I have to apologize

I have to apologize to Layla.

She is an incredibly patient person, with an extremely kind soul.
I'm deeply sorry kid, I'm sorry I'm not able to communicate and that you had to wait for me for so much time.
Always caring, always worrying.

I really didn't deserve you as a friend.

I just can't communicate anymore. Love you heartfully, though.

This thing has nothing to do with you, it's a general attitude I can't avoid.

I'm sitting locked inside my head.

ps. the right owner of your letter read it and loved it; she wish she could write in english to reply... maybe someday she will.

untitled #2

My sister attempted suicide today. She's okay now, sleeping.
I'm not sorry for her. I'm sorry for my parents, and my dad in particular.

Don't know what I should add.

When you don't hear from me, I'm alive nonetheless

Some people told me I've been so damn cold lately.
I'm not cold.
Just, random gibberish doesn't affect me.

Words are cheap.
If you want to show something, there are deeds for that.
No words.

Words can't fill the void - you hear them and they're already past.

Deeds.


You can't turn a fire with words.

Hold on tight

not a long way home.
Not really :)

Twist

« Finding out what really matters. Seeing past the person to the reasons they Became the person. Its not some... some accident of birth! That's too much of a cop out... And at this stage of the game, cop-outs ain't gonna cut it...
Digging through life's accumulated crap to find the real person... I guess that's just too much trouble. That's how we lose them.

We never really try to get them back..., do we?
We never really try to see them. »

« Ok, you made your case and we listened, and, in a way, you're dead on.
But it doesn't matter why they're fucked-up... Fact is that they just are. (...)
Maybe they weren't Born bad, but they're most definitely bad Now. »

I've heard once

somebody telling me :

"Stop acting as you always know what happens next / how things are gonna end."

It was 2 years ago. I've kept doing it - people don't change - and so far I've never failed.

Fact is that hope scares the hell out of me.

Not oblivion, nor madness, nor death
but hope
hope is teasing

Things I could get, but I'm not gonna get #1

“You’ll see,” she said with a smile, “that not everything I’ve learned has been bad. Now, watch my feet, and follow me. One, two three; one-two-three; one-two-three . . . .”

(p.46, INLÖSEN FRÅN MÖRKER, A. Smith)